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As a young, black girl raised in the South, I always knew that good manners and respect for others could take you places money and education could not.
My mother taught me this. She and my father divorced when I was around six years old. In those days, it was not easy for a woman divorcing. So, my mom received nothing but her clothing and the children. I was the oldest. Through my child's eye, it seemed that I went from being a princess to a pauper overnight.
Everything changed -- I was pulled from my private school and placed in an inner city public school, and we moved from a large, comfortable home to a rental in a low income area. It was all so foreign, strange and scary to me.
I couldn’t understand my new surroundings at all. “Why,” I wondered “are people sitting outside during the day when most people are at work?” Loud music rang out at all times of night, and men stood on corners. There were no flower gardens, and no grass. Just dirt, weeds and litter. I was even afraid of the children my age, because they fought. I decided I would just stay inside my small new home, and never venture into what I thought was a dark world.
As a child, you tend to think everything is either your fault or that bad situations happen because YOU have done something wrong. One day as I sat at the window watching the people on that street, I began to feel overwhelmed by sadness that "I" had changed, that I was no longer worthy of love or respect.
I cannot tell you where the inner response came from, but immediately, I heard my soul say to me, "You haven't changed; only your situation has. You will always be you, no matter where you are."
That was it. No big compliments or encouragement, just the truth. And, what a big truth it was! I can’t imagine where my life would have gone had I not received that message. But, I did! And, with that, I went outside to play.
Long story short, I soon found myself making great and lifelong friends with the very children who fought. We had the craziest conversations. I’d ask them why they fought, and they’d ask me why I wore “white girl” clothes! We’d listen and learn from each other. That’s how children are.
At my new school, I stood out. Teachers said it was because of my politeness, respect for authority and carriage. So, I was given a lot of positive attention and selected for special assignments.
My mother says that I received all of this on my own merit. However, I know to this day that it was the training I received at home from Mother.
Even though our situation had changed, she still insisted that we set the table and eat meals as a family. We had to be polite, well-groomed and respectful of other people’s time. Although funds were limited, she made us feel that we had not lost a thing. Instead of taking us to the Symphony, she would bring a popular new record home on a Friday night. And, we’d listen and dance all evening. First, we’d enjoy the song, itself. Then, she would ask us to guess the number and names of instruments playing. From there, we’d talk about genre, tone, melody, lyrics and other topics associated with music appreciation.
With new friends, great teachers and my mother’s teachings, I soon found myself at peace, happy even.
Instead of continuing to question my new friends about their behavior, I began to hold what I called “lady school.” Everything my mother taught me, I tried to share. I was amazed by the response. They really wanted and appreciated it! We could not have been more than 10 years old when I began holding my “lady school,” but there was a real and noticeable change in behavior! “Lady School” started with just the three of us meeting under a tree during the summer. That group grew to seven.
My mom was so encouraged, that she helped out by buying cute little notebooks and pens from the dollar store, and even did a session on properly setting a table.
The change in behavior was wonderful to watch, as it spilled over into my friends’ performance at school. Attitudes and behavior did change. So, before I was even 11 years old, I knew the positive power of what I now understand as etiquette.
I believe that everything we encounter in life prepares us for something larger. What may be seen as a setback may actually be a setup for something wonderful. From that experience, I learned two major life lessons: Yes, we CAN bloom wherever we are planted, and that an understanding of etiquette is one of life’s best equalizers with interactng with others.
Spending time in poverty also helped me better understand and connect with the children I work with, today. Through church and my service sorority, I work with underserved boys and girls, teaching about personal responsibility, etiquette and social intelligence. Most are from broken homes, with limited parental involvement. They consider me credible, not just because of my background, but bec
My mother taught me this. She and my father divorced when I was around six years old. In those days, it was not easy for a woman divorcing. So, my mom received nothing but her clothing and the children. I was the oldest. Through my child's eye, it seemed that I went from being a princess to a pauper overnight.
Everything changed -- I was pulled from my private school and placed in an inner city public school, and we moved from a large, comfortable home to a rental in a low income area. It was all so foreign, strange and scary to me.
I couldn’t understand my new surroundings at all. “Why,” I wondered “are people sitting outside during the day when most people are at work?” Loud music rang out at all times of night, and men stood on corners. There were no flower gardens, and no grass. Just dirt, weeds and litter. I was even afraid of the children my age, because they fought. I decided I would just stay inside my small new home, and never venture into what I thought was a dark world.
As a child, you tend to think everything is either your fault or that bad situations happen because YOU have done something wrong. One day as I sat at the window watching the people on that street, I began to feel overwhelmed by sadness that "I" had changed, that I was no longer worthy of love or respect.
I cannot tell you where the inner response came from, but immediately, I heard my soul say to me, "You haven't changed; only your situation has. You will always be you, no matter where you are."
That was it. No big compliments or encouragement, just the truth. And, what a big truth it was! I can’t imagine where my life would have gone had I not received that message. But, I did! And, with that, I went outside to play.
Long story short, I soon found myself making great and lifelong friends with the very children who fought. We had the craziest conversations. I’d ask them why they fought, and they’d ask me why I wore “white girl” clothes! We’d listen and learn from each other. That’s how children are.
At my new school, I stood out. Teachers said it was because of my politeness, respect for authority and carriage. So, I was given a lot of positive attention and selected for special assignments.
My mother says that I received all of this on my own merit. However, I know to this day that it was the training I received at home from Mother.
Even though our situation had changed, she still insisted that we set the table and eat meals as a family. We had to be polite, well-groomed and respectful of other people’s time. Although funds were limited, she made us feel that we had not lost a thing. Instead of taking us to the Symphony, she would bring a popular new record home on a Friday night. And, we’d listen and dance all evening. First, we’d enjoy the song, itself. Then, she would ask us to guess the number and names of instruments playing. From there, we’d talk about genre, tone, melody, lyrics and other topics associated with music appreciation.
With new friends, great teachers and my mother’s teachings, I soon found myself at peace, happy even.
Instead of continuing to question my new friends about their behavior, I began to hold what I called “lady school.” Everything my mother taught me, I tried to share. I was amazed by the response. They really wanted and appreciated it! We could not have been more than 10 years old when I began holding my “lady school,” but there was a real and noticeable change in behavior! “Lady School” started with just the three of us meeting under a tree during the summer. That group grew to seven.
My mom was so encouraged, that she helped out by buying cute little notebooks and pens from the dollar store, and even did a session on properly setting a table.
The change in behavior was wonderful to watch, as it spilled over into my friends’ performance at school. Attitudes and behavior did change. So, before I was even 11 years old, I knew the positive power of what I now understand as etiquette.
I believe that everything we encounter in life prepares us for something larger. What may be seen as a setback may actually be a setup for something wonderful. From that experience, I learned two major life lessons: Yes, we CAN bloom wherever we are planted, and that an understanding of etiquette is one of life’s best equalizers with interactng with others.
Spending time in poverty also helped me better understand and connect with the children I work with, today. Through church and my service sorority, I work with underserved boys and girls, teaching about personal responsibility, etiquette and social intelligence. Most are from broken homes, with limited parental involvement. They consider me credible, not just because of my background, but bec
